« The Cheesemonger Smells Funny, and Other Things Edinburgh Taught Me Today | Main | Brussel Sprouts »

Disconnected

I think one of the hardest things about living overseas from close friends and family is the sense of disconnect you get from them. Yeah, I can (and do) read blogs, send postcards, and emails, but when I don't hear from someone for a while, I begin to get paranoid.

Are they mad at me? Is that why they haven't emailed me back? Have they stopped updating their blog because something has happened to them and no one's thought to tell me? That big party they're talking about... another thing I can't go to? Damn it, life sucks.

I try to combat this by sending people quickie emails - "Hey, haven't heard from you in a while, you're in my thoughts, how are you?" I'll send funky postcards, since I like getting them and figure everyone else does, too. Occasionally I will give up on that and just get someone who does return my emails to ask them what's up. When all else fails, I'll call, but I hate going that way. Not only because it costs money, but because hey -- what if Joe really does hate me and doesn't want to talk to me anymore? Wouldn't that be uncomfortable?

(No, Joe, and no, other Joe, I don't think you hate me - although dude, return an email now and then, would ya?)

Ah well. It's just a bit surreal, because if I were in Edmonton, I'd be seeing these people often enough that I wouldn't be doubting. They'd either be indicating through their presence that they liked me, or through their actions that they hate me and want me to die.

I'm mostly writing this to remind myself that I'm not the only person I know living far from home. I must remember to drop a few of them postcards, because I don't want them to think I hate them. They're in my thoughts often enough.

I just wonder how many times we put it off until tomorrow, telling ourselves they know how we feel, while the person we'd eventually get around to emailing is fretting themselves about it, whenever the thought crosses their mind.

{Why yes, today was a very long and dull day at work randomly googling people from my past - why do you ask?}

TrackBack

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.annaoverseas.com/cgi-bin/mt/mt-t.cgi/310

Comments

"I'm mostly writing this to remind myself that I'm not the only person I know living far from home.

Better you than me. :)

Life goes on when you are not there. I have people that I talk to every week and people that I talk to five days before I go home again to arrange to meet.
I think that they all know that I miss and adore them though....it is hard Anna, I know how you feel.
:))

I know exactly what you mean. It may be what other folks call "homesickness" but I never felt homesick so I don't call it that. I like the way you called it "disconnect". But I first felt it when I went to Queen's, even though the parental units were just in Ottawa. I craved those letters from Mum like crazy. When I lived in London for 12 months and my husband was left behind in Ottawa, we emailed each other every single day and that helped enormously. Very interesting.

Nailed the feeling in one Anna and now I'm going to quickie email everyperson I know.

Post a comment